Category Archives: run

Terrible Date Tuesday: The Ditch!

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Dear Magnum “Ice Cream Bars”,

Really?? Really??

Magnum? For Please Seekers?!...uh...

Surely I am not the only one with a dirty mind who has a problem with this.

Sincerely,

Bee

One of my very best friends in the world, Tizzle (yeah, that is her gangster name, thanks for asking) suggested that I share some dating horror stories on my blog. Because, well, as a self admitted serial Horrible-First-Dater, I have a lot of stories to share. So once in a while on Tuesdays I will share some of these disasters.

I am going to write out a brief dialogue for you, to share the date known as: The Ditch
(Please note, my  thoughts will be in Blue, what was actually said, in Black).

I will be “B” for Bee, the date will be “D” for Dick. Simple enough.

Story of my life.

Scene: Patio outside at a local bar

D: Bee?
B: Yes, hi nice to meet you D.
D: Have you been waiting long?
B: No, no, just a few minutes. Or like 15 minutes…
D: Phew, I am SO glad you didn’t show up some fatty! I can’t tell you how man girls show up WAY fatter than their pics.
Um..dude..you are LARGE. Much larger than your profile would lead one to believe. Glass house? Rocks? No? Maybe he is trying to break the ice about being 30 lbs heavier than his pictures?..Maybe?
B: Ha..ha..Yep, I guess I am not a fatty. Lucky you?
D: Oh man, let me tell you what I do when that happens!

at this point D takes ANOTHER shot and finishes his beer.
(Ok he is serious…not breaking the ice. He is in fact a tool.)
D: When the fatties have to go use the rest room, I wait until they’re out of sight, and I DITCH ‘EM! hahahaha. Yep, just up and leave. Bar tab and all, usually. Hahaha.
B: um…is this guy for real…? wtf…Ha ha ?
D: Blah blah blah, I like George Bush, blah blah, kids are stupid, blah blah, I drive a BMW, blah blah. Ladies love me, blah blah blah (<– pretty much word for word what came out of D’s mouth for the next 30-40 minutes)
B: (Smiles and nods. Zones out. Thinking of clever way to fake an emergency and leave)
D: Oh man, Bee I have to PISS.
B: Seriously, dude? did you have to say it like that? Ok.
D: Now, har har har, don’t ditch me when I’m in there!
B: Ha, ha, don’t be silly. I’ll be here. HELLZ NO I won’t be here!
D: Oh I know, I didn’t really doubt that you’d stick around for me!
B: This guy is clueless. Ok.
D: (Gets up to go “PISS”)
B: (Wait for it, wait for it. He’s out of sight!)

Girl at table next to me: You should so ditch him!
B: Right? I totally am!

(RUN RUN RUN)

(Call my sister ASAP, while running to my car):
B: OMG I’m ditching my date!! AHHH hahaha!
K: What?!
B: Hahaha, this is amazing, I’ll explain later. I just had to call and tell someone. Peace!

And that is the story of the terrible date: The Ditch.

Until tomorrow…

True Story: I was addicted to exercise.

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Dear facebookers,

If you insist on updating you status every 5 minutes, please please please put something interesting at least ONCE in a while.

remove from news feed? yes.

I do not care that you are:

– Super sleepy today
– Watching TV
– Driving to Work
– Sitting at my Desk
– Dealing with a headache
– Missing my sweetheart

And probably 99% of the other mundane bs you put up there. I think more of you should start lying in your status updates. Keep it interesting:

“Woah, waking up with a sore butt and no memory of last night is a CRAZY was to start a Wednesday.”

“I just punched my mom. WHAT”

“I just met Ryan Reynolds. HE GAVE ME HIS NUMBER!! AHH”

I feel that I may be less inclined to block you from my news feed, and may even comment on your shit if you started lying. Just sayin’.

yes. yes. yes.

Thanks,

Bee

Sports and physical activity help me be less of a bitch.

I will not.

Seriously.

Over my lifetime I have been involved in many different sports/activities/whathaveyou. And I like to think that this involvement has helped keep my bitchiness, anxiety, depression, etc (insert any bad feelings one may experience over 26 years of living) in check.

Growing up I played basketball, softball, and have always been involved in dance. (<– that was my favorite, BY FAR). Once I entered high school I decided to try running, and went out for the cross-country team. While I was NOT a good runner by any means going into freshman year, I found that I did in fact love running, and the girls on the team were awesome! Some of my best memories in hs are with the CC team 🙂

Yes, we do run for fun. Thanks for asking.

In college, well I did pretty much NO activity in college, other than fill my PE requirement with a “yoga” class that we did not take seriously, and a dance class that was a breeze. Did I mention I chained smoked in college? Yeah I know…gross!! I’ll discuss college life more in another post soon!

Post college I fell back in love with running. I also got very into interval training, boxing, found crossfit, and finally found Bikram Yoga (<– my current love. I need a date…pronto!)

 

That is obviously EXACTLY what I look like when I box. Duh.

Each activity served as a challenge as well as a release for me. Stressful day? Go punch it out at boxing! Too much shit on my mind? Go for a long run and think it out. Obsessing over something stupid? Go do a yoga class to clear your mind. Each sport has served as a great way for me to overcome emotional baggage in my life.

nothing like 6am WODs at crossfit...

But at what point does a love of exercise become an obsession?

There was absolutely a point, and not that long ago, where I was an exercise-addict. I was absolutely insane about it. If I missed a workout, I was anxious and irritable and would find a way to fit in another hour in the next days workout. It was NOT FUN.

Was I the “thinnest” I’ve ever been? Yeah, sure. Was I happy? Hell no!

Exercise became a means of control for me. I was spending 2 hours a day working out, and the other hours thinking about working out, planning the workout, and scheduling my social life (what little I had) around my workout. It was exhausting. Seriously, I was tired ALL THE TIME. I was eating about 2500 calories a day so that I had the energy to perform well at each workout, but that was not nearly enough and my body weight was way too low, and my energy levels blew.

But I am le tired.

Last October a family member of mine went through a very serious crisis and I was asked to take them in while they got back on their feet. I knew I had a problem when my first thought was “how will I fit my workouts in if someone is living here? I can’t do a 5 am workout with someone sleeping upstairs…” That was the turning point for me. Was that seriously what I was worried about? What was WRONG with me? I felt horrible, ashamed. I knew right then and there I had a problem.


While the circumstances that caused this realization were horrible, it opened my eyes to the important things in life. Friends, family, relationships. All of these things are more important than running a 6 minute mile or getting in a killer kettle bell workout.

Today, after seeing that family member turn their life around for the better (and they are happily back at their home now), I have a much healthier outlook on exercise, and life in general. I will always believe in the importance of physical activity, but now I understand that it is merely ONE part of the life puzzle. As you know I am currently in a 30 day Bikram Challenge (Day 18, score!), so that is the majority of my workout “regimen” as of late. 90 minutes a day is enough for me, thank you very much! However, normally I try to get 3 sessions of cardio and 2-3 sessions of interval style workouts involving weights/body-weight movements. And if that doesn’t happen one week, I don’t worry. There is enough to worry about. Not hitting the gym one day is not on the top of my list. My friends, family, and overall happiness are!!

My sister, me, and the diva Penny

Have you ever dealt with an exercise addiction? Do you still currently?

When did you realize you had an obsession?

The three B’s: Babies, butts, boning.

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Dear rape vans,

Get a little more creative. I can’t imagine that “Free Candy” is cutting it these days.

Lame.

I mean, maybe if you said “Free Diamonds” or “Free trip to Cancun!” you might get some attention/visitors. But come on, bro, candy? LAME.

Love, Bee

Yesterday was pretty kick ass. I saw one of my best friends, had an amazing yoga session, and hung out at my sisters before doing stupid grown-upy things like grocery shopping and putting away laundry.

So, as I just mentioned, I got to see one of my best friends from high school, her awesome fiancé (they’ve been together since Sophomore year of college, he’s a great guy, we all approve), and their two adorable munchinks, 5 years old and 8 months. I LOVE babies. But more importantly, I love babies that are not mine.

I got to thinking, it is a much better deal to be an aunt/let your friends pop out a bunch of babies than to have kids of your own.

I have two arguments as to why. They’re simple, but pretty damn solid:

1. When they cry, I get to give them back.

This thing is mocking me!

2. My ass is the only ass I have to wipe.

That pretty much sums it up.

I considered running this morning. The end.

Not today, my friend. Not today.

Then I got ready for work after hitting the snooze button. Today my hair looks like that of a 40 year old tight-ass. Fail.

what IS that?

In other news, I am looking forward to tomorrow night because me and GRose are going to the movies to see Crazy,Stupid Love. SCORE! It looks awesome. And I totally want to bone Ryan Gosling.

Marry me?

Also, I saw THIS over the weekend.

Uh...why?

I want to specifically point out that I do NOT want to bone the owner of that gem.

So to reiterate my bone list:

Ryan Gosling: Yes

Driver (who I can only assume looks just like Dog the Bounty Hunter): NO.

What, you no likely the mullet?

Questions:

How was your weekend?

Awesome, duh.

Did you get any good runs/workouts in? Are you a morning person?

– Two sweaty and amazing yoga sessions. Wicked small classes so it was fun to get one on one attention/pointers from the teachers.

Happy Monday, Bitches! 🙂

8 Simple Rules for Online Dating Success

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Today I’d like to share some VERY useful advice for everyone brave enough to venture into the online dating scene. I myself have had the experience of “blind” dates formed from online dating websites. * GASP * OMG this girl just admitted to using a dating service.

Yeah, I know. Whatever, bite me. But not really, I love you. I think.

So here are 8 simple rules to building a successful online dating profile. (Sarcasm included, no additional charge).

Dear Single Ladies/Gents,

Expert advice on how to successfully create an online-dating profile.

1.    Make sure you write A LOT about dumb shit that no one cares about. Especially really cliché stuff like walks on the beach, and candlelight dinners. People looooove to read about crap like that because it shares a lot about who YOU really are.

(Who remembers this bit from Mad TV?)

2.    Make sure you write an awkward amount about why your last relationship failed. It is always best to make sure 99% of your conversations revolve around an ex girlfriend or boyfriend.

NEXT!

3.    Be sure to include all of the obvious qualities you don’t want in a mate. “No Drama. No baby mommas/daddies. No bull-shitters. No liars. No fakes.” Because otherwise, potential daters may get confused as to what you DO want. I mean, some people love fake liars. Don’t want to send mixed signals.
4.    Be sure to post a ton of really * cool * pictures. ESPECIALLY duck face pictures. Because, come on, everyone loves that face.

How YOU doin'?

Hey, wanna make out?!

5.    Also include really awesome MySpace-esque photos that make you look super mysterious and deep. Also, make sure to never include any shots of your body because god forbid anyone know what you actually look like.

6.    Include photos of when you were at your cutest. To hell with showing people what you actually look like. That’s highly overrated. And plus, everyone wants to be surprised with an entirely different person than who they expected when you finally meet.

think they'll notice this is from a * few * years ago?...

(P.S. that is NOT me^)

7.    Look as sexy as possible in all photos. Sex sells.

Heeeeeey

Um, did I just put that on the internet?...

8.    Use horrible grammar. I mean “grammer.” It shows your intelligence when you use super awesome slang like “u” and “holla atch boy” and “get wich you” and such. And always, always be sure to use the wrong form of “they’re” “there” and “their.” That one is key.

There you have it. 8 Simples rules to building a successful online profile. You’ll be married in no time.

You’re welcome.

Love,
Bee

Camel Toes = NO.

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A little advice for all you ladies who love spandex that is just a litttttttle bit too tight.

Dear [you know who you are],

“Fix yo’self, guuuuurl, you got a camel toe!”

I am all about the comfort and performance of working out in spandex gear. Heck I can’t imagine doing Bikram in cotton, gag, but let’s be responsible.

If your clothes are “creepin’ up the front” or causing a “frontal wedgie” PICK IT! CHANGE! MOVE ON! I don’t particularly enjoy seeing your crotch. Thanks!

Also, camel toes are 100% allowed if it is in the form of a Halloween costume “Joe Camille Toe”

Is it odd that I really really want to convince one of my guy friends to wear this for Halloween this year?! Because I do.

But I digress…

Camel Toe = NO

End of story. 

Love,

Bee

(p.s. sweet quoted lines regarding camel toes are from Fanny Pack’s song “Camel Toe” High-Larry-Us).

In other news, I think that I am [already] going to change plans about the half. I woke up this morning, with plans of doing an easy 3 to stick to the training program. And I had this hoooorible feeling of dread about running. I was basically bargaining with myself to get out there. I 100% did NOT want to run.

So I got to thinking. Why am I doing this? And I think it is just to prove to myself that I still got it even after all the physical therapy/injuries/etc. That’s dumb.

So after much back and forth with myself, I came to the conclusion that a race is not a good thing for me right now. If it’s still week ONE and I’m dreading a run…um there is no fucking way I’ll make it 12 weeks and retain any sanity.

Running is something I used to love, and I don’t want to fuck that up forcing myself to stick to some program. Recognizing that you are an OCD freak and not doing something that feeds that is an accomplishment in my book. Cheers to that!

Not yet…not yet…

T-minus…18 days. 😉 I seriously kind of like not drinking last weekend/last night. I wake up feeling productive, not like hugging the porcelain throne. Winning.

Also, I consider Bikram to be my priority when it comes to physical/mental activity and scheduling a running program in around it is just…well it’s a bitch. So, I’m not so sorry to say that I will be running for fun now. Not training.

Questions:

Do camel toes bother you?

-Hell yes, I just want to be like “how do you not feel your pants IN there?!”

What pet peeves do you have about workout clothing?

-Sometimes I hate when I see girls in the air-conditioned gym in just their sports bras. Is that really necessary? But in reality I’m just a bitch and know they look hotter than me, so naturally I hate on ’em. Duh.

– I also HATE when girls show up at the gym at 5am with their hair “did” and make up on. I want to punchasize their face, fo free. (Super Troopers reference anyone? love that ‘effin movie).

Talk to me!

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Happy Friday[eve]! So close…

My  [not so bitchy] Bee advice for the day:

Dear everyone,

Hang in there:

This little guy (grasshopper) was on my side view for the entire ride into work this morning. I saw him on there when I got on the road and was so sad thinking how he was going to fly to his death once I got on the highway and picked up speed. Not so.

That little sucker held on all the way! You should too, dammit 😉

Love,

Bee

Day 10!!

So in case you didn’t know, I am doing 3, 30-day challenges simultaneously. They go together nicely:

No booze, 30 Day Bikram Challenge, and 30 days meat-free.

Today is day 10 of the challenge, and I am feeling Fab-You-Luss! While dedicating 90 minutes every day to Bikram is a bit time-consuming, I am loving the mental clarity it provides, and as an endurance athlete at heart, I love a 90 minute kick-in-the-ass. Woot.

I am eating foods that I love, and that fuel me for successful yoga practice (and runs, now that I’m back hitting the pavement, WOOT).

Booze makes practicing Bikram feel like death, so not drinking at all has kept me motivated to return to the sauna each day.

So yeah, here’s to 20 more! Cheers!

Shit we can’t cheers with that…yet 😉

So yesterday was MUCH better than my craptastic Tuesday. I got my tire replaced (have to go back today because they didn’t balance them apparently. Thanks, tools!). But I can go over 55mph now! Holla!

Then I got my stretch on at yoga, there was an instructor I’ve never had before and his voice was mega soothing. It was good.

After yoga it was time for Moe’s! YUM! I showered (kind of) at the studio and took my slighty-less-sweaty self to meet the sister, kids, and my dad for some family time 🙂

It was a silly time indeed!

Eliot photo bombed this attempt at a nice family photo:

So, naturally my Dad had to punch him in the face:

Hahaha, I am just kidding, obviously! But this photo cracks me up. I don’t really know what’s  going on, but nonetheless, it looks funny 🙂

This morning I got my sweat on with a 3 mile easy run

Then I took a picture and realized I am getting old, wtf…wrinkles?

I really need to start wearing making in a few of these shots so you don’t think I always look like death. I mean I usually do, but not ALWAYS.

The run felt good, but I was constantly looking at my Garmin. I need to really focus on just taking my “easy runs” EASY. I don’t want to over do it and overtrain…again. I know that I am not going to be nearly as fast as I was last year when I was running all the time, so I need to take that into consideration and not beat myself up over pace. Just focus on getting back in the groove of it.

That groovin’ picture just reminded me, I missed So You Think You Can Dance last night! GASP! Thank god I dvr that ish! Gotta find time to catch up tonight!

On another note. I am seeing decent “traffic” on here (decent is a relative term. let me be delusional and think my “page visits” stats are awesome, k?), yet barely any comments. Um…DUH Bee, maybe you should ask people things you want to know/discuss? Derr!

So here are a few questions for ya 🙂 Please talk to me, I want to know what’s  up with you..since I stalk a lot of your blogs and think you’re all pretty fuggin’ awesome.

Questions:

Do you have/use a Garmin for your runs? Opinions on using it for “easy” runs in a training program please!

What is your favorite reality tv show? Do you dvr it or watch it live?

Donuts. Not the good kind.

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Uhhhh, a little advice for…yesterday.

Dear Tuesday,

Go fuck yourself.

Twice.

Yup.

Sincerely,

A very Bitchy Bee

So yesterday started out great, got a successful first run of the 1/2 training program in. Had a nice day at work, a great Bikram Yoga class (seriously, I felt like I was on cloud 9 walking out of the studio last night).

Then, just like that.

BAM.
SHITTY.

Driving home on the highway all of a sudden there is a TON of giant gravel/rocks/whateverthefucktheywere. Being that traffic was moving about 70 mph and there were cars on either side of me, swerving was not an option.

CLUNK. POP. FUCK.
Yep. Big old flat tire.WAHHHHH (I’m saying that JUST like Snookie by the way. So you knoooooow it’s annoying).
Thank god Mini-Mom is the shiznit and continues to buy me AAA even though I’m 26 and a “grownup.” And I am super lucky my card happened to be in the car, because…Yeah…I left my purse at home! Shhhhh, don’t tell the authorities that I drive around sans license.So I call, they tell me 30-40 minutes. I wait and wait…and wait…

Luckily I wasn’t wearing gym clothes drenched in sweat from yoga (yes even the change of clothes gets drenched on the way out) and that I was looking fly. Only the exact opposite…
Thank god for cell phones, right? I can facebook/blog stalk. Um. NO. Battery dying? FML.

Finally, after about 55 minutes, some handy AAA guy comes and points out that not only did my tire go flat, the rim got bent as well. Awesome…

He was really nice though, but I felt terrible, I had no purse…and no money to tip. So I quickly jumped in my car and was like “K thanks, you’re awesome, BYE!”You are supposed to tip those guys right? Sorry dude….I would have if I could have…

So now I’m rocking some TINY ass donut tire.


I’m not entirely confident that it can hold the weight of me my car. I need to figure out what I’m doing about that, asap. So yeah, Tuesday…you’re dead to me. Bitch.
—————————————-
Anywho, now that I am done whining and bitching about that, onto today.

I woke up extra early today. I felt like a zombie, yet looked surprisingly similar to an alien…

Hot. I know. It’s a mystery why I’m still single.

I got up extra early because today’s run was 5 x 400s. I live in Connecticut, aka land of hills, and I don’t live near a track I can run on, so repeats are done at the gym on the…..

DREADMILL. Yes I hate the treadmill usually, but repeats aren’t so bad. They go so fast and I can entertain my mind for a quick sprint workout. Good thing, because I forgot my headphones today. I kind of liked running without shit-in-my-ears. I’m always fussing with them so it was nice to not have to do that.

The run went great. I did a 1/2 mile warm up with an easy jog then my 400s at speed 8.2 with a 400 in between each one at 5.0. It was a good workout, but when I was done I felt like I had more in me, which is good. 11 1/2 weeks left of  training, don’t want to burn out.

So, at least it’s hump day today! That’s damn close to Friday!

I have some delish eats for the day, including one of my favorite lunches:
Sweet Potato, 1/4 cup black beans, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, salsa. I always use my finest china.

This salsa is like crack,  people. Go buy some. Immediately. Go.

Tonight my lovely sister, 2/3s of her children (as in 2 out of 3, not partials of each child), and my Dad and I are going to Moe’s for dinner! I love their food! And I love the company.

Hopefully Wednesday won’t suck balls quite as much as Tuesday. Pardon my…American. (I would say pardon my French, but I feel they’re too classy to say “suck balls.” Clearly I am not).

Bitchy bee, out.