Half way there!


Dear everyone,

Sometimes lying is OK. You will not be shunned and sent immediately to hell if you tell a lie. Sometimes a lie is way better than the truth. Observe:

– Does this make my butt look big?

No, you look so tiny in that!

– How adorable is my baby?!

Oh my god, SO adorable!

– Can I get your phone number?

Of course! Def call me: 212-479-7990

Ladies (and gents too) ^ ^ ^ That number is one you want to commit to memory! Dial it, now, and you’re welcome. Rejection hot line? Yep! If some DB (please figure out that acronym), asks for my number and I really can’t stand him, I provide him with that gem of a number. Score!

So you see, lying is ok.

Love always,


Today is day 15 of the 30-Day Challenges! Woot woot! (Stop judging, me, cool kids say woot).

So I thought that I would recap a few highlights so far.

No Booze:

– I have not been hungover. This is fabulous. I’m pretty sure 99.9% of you know what a hangover feels like. So this is a pretty sweet perk of not binge drinking like I have been known to do.

– I have not been tricked by any Beer Goggles. Those shits are DANGER-US. I swear people look approximately 87.5% cuter when you are intoxicated.  My hotness radar is in perfect working condition now.

What are you talking about guys? He is H.O.T.!!!

– No weird food cravings/Drunken Binge Fests

Sometimes when I’m…well when I’m shitfaced, I crave CRAP. Sober I usually eat foods that are good for me (and taste good, sorry I’m not forcing down brussel sprouts because everyone says they’re GREAT for me. They taste like farts and I want nothing to do with them). But while intoxicated I have a sweet tooth! Oh and I can eat an entire pizza if given the opportunity. [Ok I could do this sober too, but have more self-control and only eat HALF when sober…]

– I remember everything.

– I have saved some cash-money yo. Watch out! White chick trying to sound ghetto. Move Ova! But yeah drinks in CT are like $8 a pop at a bar. So I’m saving like $800 a night. Because clearly I consume 100 rum and cokes per escapade.

Yes, I do add coke to the rum. The proper ration of Rum to coke is 5:1. Fact.

On a side not, I don’t dress like that on the regular. That was Halloween, I was a fly girl. If you’re 16 years old you have no clue what that is, but for everyone who remembers In Living Color, you understand. I really just decided to be that so I had an excuse to bust moves all night long.

Bikram Yoga:
While I have been practicing Bikram regularly, this is the first time I am committing to doing it EVERY day, consecutively. So far, its been amazing. I do have some muscle/back pain in Half Moon Pose right now, but I think that is from pushing too far in the posture. Sometimes being hyper-flexible can work against you.

But in general, WOAH. (<– Insert Joey Lawrence voice here).

I feel like I’m on crack. (Note, I don’t nor have I ever done crack, but I’m assuming it must feel pretty good for it to be so popular, right?)

I am full of energy and sleeping like a rock at night.

I am conquering the one pose that I HATED pre-challenge.

Don't be fooled. You WILL want to die during this posture.

Triangle pose, you tricky little bastard you. By looking at the picture this pose seems pretty simple, right? Wrong. It take place right about 30-40 minutes into class (remember 104 degrees), when you are SWEATY as hell, and it utilizes every muscle of the body.

The teacher tells you to “reach up to sky, reach down to the floor.” Um, make up your mind already.“Hips forward, upper body back” I’m going to fall over. End of Story.

But about day 10 of the Challenge I figured out that if I just relax, actually listen to the advice of my teachers, and BREATH, I could do a full out, not ridiculous looking, Triangle Pose without falling over/slipping out. Win.

Also, while it has been HOT, I am really enjoying the summer classes. I feel that it allows for deeper stretches and is a little bit of an extra mental challenge.

This is going well, however my lack of culinary expertise (HUGE understatement right there), has me eating a lot of the same things several days a week. I am a regular at Subway (veggie subs + avocado anyone?), I think the Grocery Store orders oatbran for me and only me at this point “shit she’s coming again, restock! restock!,” and veggie burgers are my best friends.


I am doing my best to get fruits/veggies in each day. I like fruit in morning oatbran, so that’s easy, and I include some sort of veggie in my lunch/dinner. But as the HILARIOUS Eden discusses in this GENIUS POST, I am not housing veggies/trying to consume my weight in them. That’s gross and not something I really want to do.

And um, anyone ever been in a yoga class? I have, and I am willing to bet that old dude in the corner who farts in nearly EVERY pose is chowing down on a few too many veggies before class. No.Thank.You. I will fart when I want, where I want, thank you. (Plus, girls don’t fart right? HA.)

See? I told you.

One important thing to note is that while practicing Bikram, it is really important to stay hydrated and get enough electrolytes and salt (You’re sweating your balls off for 90 minutes a day, everyday. Duh.)

I am drinking a lot more water than I usually do, so I have to pee ALL THE TIME, but I think it really helps because I haven’t passed out/died in class yet. And that’s a success in my book.

Um, wtf, no one gives me a sticker or marks a chart when I go on the potty. Assholes.

So here’s to 15 more days! WOOT WOOT! (see I told you cool kids say woot.)


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